Has arousal become a Herculean task for you? Is getting the Big O a tough act? Is sex the last thing on your mind off late? If yes, then like many others, even you are a victim of a declining libido.
Dwindling sexual desire amongst couples is one of the biggest issues in achieving intimacy. One who craves for it, feels rejected and unloved, while the other tends to feel plagued and guilty by his lack of sexual energy thereby leading to a no win situation at both ends. Gradually the lack of sexual fulfillment becomes a bone of contention which finally drives a wedge between the partners.
Sexual desire is no less than a litmus test of a relationship's health and there can be a gamut of things that can become potential hurdles in your sexual pleasure, right from medical problems to psychological situations or a deadly mix of both "If low sex drive continues, it calls for treatment. Almost 15 per cent of men suffer this problem all the time; while over 30 per cent of women face a loss in their sexual urges, but might choose not voice the lull in their sexual desires," observes Dr. Rajesh Shah, director of the Homoeopathy India Foundation.
Here we list-out the most common 'libido-killers' to help you track what's taking the sizzle out of your sexual relation...
Libido Killer #1: Stress & depression
"I just hate all the coo-chi-cooing that my wife does when I am tensed; I feel like shutting myself up and going off to sleep," confesses Himanshu Sachdev, a 27-year-old, Delhi based marketing executive. Irrespective of what's causing the lack of interest in sex- your professional tensions, financial impediments, the burden of your kids or the responsibilities of family life, stress has an adverse affect on one's sexual relationship. In addition to making you sad, irritated, upset and emotional, stress can profusely impinge on your sex life. Stress increases the level of a hormone called cortisol and decreases testosterone and estrogen hormones, which directly influence your sex drive. Figures reveal that approximately 75 per cent of stressed people complain about the loss of sex drive.
Heal Factor:
First of all make sure you are leading a healthy lifestyle. Balanced diet, drinking ample water, getting proper sleep, indulging in regular exercise, practicing relaxation and yoga have a direct bearing towards a stress free sex life. "A healthy body and mind equip you better to keep your anxieties and stress from interfering in your bedroom," says Dr. Deepak Raheja, psychiatrist. So, if your man is depressed, soothe him via a sensual massage, you never know it may make way for a passionate union.
Libido Killer # 2: Fear & anxiety
"I can't maintain my arousal for a long time, which makes sex with my partner less satisfying. As a result of repeatedly going dud and due to the pressure to perform, I have developed an aversion for sex," says Gautam Varshney, a Mumbai based architect. While, for 24-year-old Sunaina Jairath, the problem is her husband's sexually active past.
"My husband was sexually active with multiple partners before our marriage. So, whenever he initiates sexual action, this fact keeps haunting me with a fear of getting an STD and I fail to match his tempo," says Sunaina. First time sex phobia, fear of pregnancy, performance anxiety or the fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease like HIV...any kind of anxiety bogging down your mind can adversely affect your libido and desire.
Heal Factor:
Never practice unprotected sex - this is the best way to check your fear of contracting an STD. Also, let the act be as natural as possible. Remember that there are no tailor made patterns to ensure a gratifying sex life. "As breathing cannot be taught, so is the act of sex. Approach it as naturally as you can. Let experience be your teacher and passion be your mentor," advises Dr. Raheja. If your man is anxious about his performance, as a woman learn to boost his confidence by letting him know you are enjoying his moves. Passion needs to be communicated to ensure that the second time the act of love will be better. And if the problem is with your lady, support her till she overcomes her fears. Educate her on the possible means of contraception if fear of getting pregnant is a problem. Patience and passion are the keywords here.
Libido Killer # 3: Relationship ruckus
"My wife is very dominating and insists on having sex when I am physically and mentally exhausted. As a result, I fail to vent-out my anger and prefer sleeping as a solution to cool down. But before sleeping, she's quite sexually active and I simply loathe her passionate moves at that time," relates Madhukar Sengupta, a Delhi-based, businessman. Mona Tyagi has a different problem. "My husband's mouth stinks. Initially I didn't tell him to avoid embarrassment. But gradually I developed a disinterest in getting close with him," says Mona.
Pent-up anger, inability to discuss personal hygiene issues, unsettled conflicts and emotional turmoil between both partners, when taken to the bed can certainly put a dampener on one's sexual urges. Negative feelings resulting out of reasons as simple as lack of appropriate hygiene or as complex as infidelity can lower the attraction levels between couples. And it is impossible to feel sexually inclined towards someone you don't feel attracted to.
Poor hygiene is also a big sex dampner. Smelly pits, smelly genitals, and unwashedness in general are all very un-cool. If you want sex, make sure you are prepared and clean. It is a known fact that the chemicals in a man's sweat cause physiological changes to women.
In general, it gets them in the mood for a romp. But this shouldn't be an excuse to be a sweaty pig, because even if she heats up with your pheromones, the stench you emit will turn her off. Shower at least once a day, and no matter what kind of profession you are engaged in, freshen up straight after you come home. If you are a lady, remember to get your body waxed if you know you are going to be pleasured tonight. The sight of hairy legs can be a big male mood dampner.
Even while kissing remember your breath is important. Keep it sweet; brush your teeth regularly, floss, and use alcohol-free mouthwash before the act starts. Also, remember that if you haven't eaten for a while (such as when you arrive home from work) your breath will be bad. If you have a really bad breath problem (gum disease, gingivitis) you really need to get it sorted out -- otherwise, you will never be properly kissed again. And a bad foreplay session is bound to affect your sex life adversely.
Heal Factor:
"Sex is a non-verbal communication that depends to a great extent on healthy communication between partners. It can prevent a chemistry problem from aggravating into a psychological problem," says Dr. Himanshu Saxena, Jaipur Golden Hospital. When you talk issues disturbing both partners frankly and without inhibitions, avoiding playing the blame game, the end result is always an increased level of intimacy. The problem belongs to both of you, so you have to work together to resolve it.
Once the air is clear, make conscious efforts to be extra-considerate to each other. Remember that personal hygiene issues can drive a wedge in your sex play. Be clean and see the difference. Also, it's important to build the atmosphere leading to the act of sex. Foreplay is key. Taking a warm shower together where you rub scented aroma oils on each other's body or a romantic dinner can be ideal starters. If time is on your hands, indulge in a short trip to a romantic getaway to reinstate the magic that once brought you together.
Libido Killer 4: Sex with an ex
Every woman/man would like to believe that they are the only one in your heart and in bed. Your lover may be aware that you've shared intimate moments with the opposite sex, but they clearly don't wish to hear about it in bed. Saying an ex's name during sex brings up certain questions, like, "Are you thinking about him/her while you are having sex with me?" and "Do you wish I was him/her?" -- and soon their fertile mind is whirling out of control.
Heal Factor:
If you do happen to make this huge blunder, be very apologetic, massage their feet and take them out for a romantic dinner. Don't stop pampering them till they forgive you. They will, eventually. But first, you'll have to prove that they are the only one for you and that it was an honest mistake and that, now, you don't think about anyone else but them-- ever -- because they are the ultimate sexual fantasy you have ever had.
Libido Killer # 5: Body issues
"I'm conscious about my fat thighs and we always end up fighting when I ask my husband to switch off the lights during the act. Being overtly self conscious, I don't crave for intimate moments the way I used to dream of them earlier," avers worried Jyotsana Lamba, a Delhi based teacher. On the other hand, 26-year-old Siddhartha Katyal thought his hairy body to be a turn-off for his wife and due to this he avoided removing his clothes.
As a result, a certain distance started creeping in between the sheets as well. Delhi-based professional Zian Sen, was conscious of his sagging chest (man-boobs). "I was fat and since ours was an arranged marriage I was intimidated by my body in contrast to my wife's perfect curves. I consciously avoided physical proximity not realising that my wife was feeling sexually depraved and unfulfilled. Whenever we got intimate, I insisted on a quickie, I was insecure that she would find my obesity a major turn off. Finally, after almost a year of low sex drive, she decided to bring up the topic and I was surprised to find out in the course of our candid chat that she actually had a fascination for big guys. It stimulated me sexually to know my better half was turned on by my size and not the other way around and it surcharged our sexual attraction," he adds.
Each one of us hates some or the other aspect of our body, be it our thundering thighs, less-than-ample breasts or a huge pot belly. Self consciousness bordering on obsessive-ness can take you away from sex.
Heal Factor:
Learn to be more confident of your body and resort to healthy ways of rectifying problem areas, rather than shying away from sex. "Male breast reduction and pot belly reduction is very much possible and easy too through liposuction. More and more men are resorting to such treatments for a number of reasons, especially for attracting the opposite sex," says Sr. Vimal Malik, MD, Eleganza Skin Clinic.
Women love men who know how to touch a woman. However, grabbing at her is not sexy; it is sometimes embarrassing, sometimes painful and often extremely unappealing. Treat your partner's body with tender love and care. If your lady has some fat around her mid riff, grabbing her love handles will often make her feel fat (and therefore unattractive), so when touching her body, know where her "shy spots" are, and aside from telling her how beautiful you think they are (confidence booster = aphrodisiac), avoid actually physically holding on to the unpleasant zones. Touch them, but if she pulls away from you or moves your hands somewhere else, accept the hint.
A woman's breasts too are a beautiful part of her body -- don't be disrespectful by treating them harshly. If you treat all of her body with delight and love, you will get more and better sex.
Love thy self if loving your partner is on your mind! Back every negative thought about your body with a positive one. For instance, if you are worried about your small breasts, take pride in your soft skin and that great back...it can do wonders to turn him on. For weight issues, a good fitness regimen is the answer, while for other problems, a psychologist should be approached.
As far as your partner is concerned, try your best to make your better half feel comfy about his/her body. Reassure them that they are beautiful and cheer them up by saying that in your eyes they are sexy. Find the parts of your partner you love and don't forget to praise your partner as much as you can.
Libido Killer # 5: Sleep disorders
Lack of sleep, insomnia and even snoring can temporarily deplete the testosterone levels in males.
Hate the 8 libido killers
Hate the 8 libido killers (Getty Images)
Men who have the inability to breathe properly during sleep (commonly known as snoring) are known to possess a weak libido. Researchers have found that a good night's sleep improves men's energy, mood and sex drive.
Heal Factor:
Make sure to get healthy and uninterrupted sleep, of course when you are not in the mid of an eventful night. If you have a snoring problem, visit the doctor- it can be cured. "Tune your bedroom into a peaceful abode by replacing the TV with a soothing music player. Even aroma oils offer great sleeping solutions to leave you energised and fresh for your sexapades. A drop of ylang ylang oil is a great sexual moos booster," says aroma-therapist, Dr. Naresh Arora,
Killer# 6: Medications
Medications play a major role to make or mar your sex desire. "Certain birth control pills, mood tranquilisers, high blood pressure medications (MAOI antidepressants) such as Moclobemide, Phenelzine or Clonidine, Thiazide diuretics like bendrofluazide and other anti-depressants can cause disinterest in sex as they lower the androgen production and testosterone levels leading to sexual dysfunction. They also create problems like delay in achieving orgasm, ejaculation and erection impairment," informs Dr. Himanshu Saxena.
Heal Factor:
"In young, sexually active males, the first line therapy for high blood pressure should be Enalapril (sold as Enam) 5-10 mg 1-2 times daily," suggests Dr. Chandra M. Gulhati.
"Consult your doctor, but do not stop taking medication on your own. Let him work on the type and consumption pattern of your drug. In addition to that, consult with your doctor even before starting any new medication. If he thinks it may affect your sex life, an alternative can be suggested," says Dr. Saxena.
Killer # 7: Smoking/ Alcohol
Any kind of addiction is bad in the long run. Those who drink might feel that it gives their sexual prowess an instant boost, but in the long run it depletes your sex drive. "Alchohol may heighten sexual desire and make you feel amorous initially, but too much drinking makes the ultimate performance go kaput," explains Dr. Vinay Singh, Max Health Care. On the other hand, smoking is directly related to the erection mechanism. "Smoking releases enzymes that constrict blood flow by narrowing the blood vessels in the sexual organs adding directly to your sex woes," adds Dr. Singh.
Heal Factor:
Try to get rid of the addiction gradually. "For regular drinkers, it is advised to take alcohol in moderation and rather opt for red wine as it's considered as an aphrodisiac," suggest Dr. Singh.
Killer # 8: Medical ailments
If you've failed to find your culprit in the above mention libido killers, there are stark chances that your woes are related to a medical ailment. It might be an under active thyroid, diabetes or a hormone related issue. Diabetes can lead to sexual problems like erectile dysfunction and decreased sexual response, so make sure you get your blood sugar checked. Women may complain of a low sex drive immediately after delivery due to change in hormones.
Heal Factor:
The best you can do is - consult a specialist. He may prescribe medication to treat the health issue, which usually limits sexual side effects. He may also ask you to bring some positive lifestyle changes, such as exercising regularly and eating a healthy diet for a better physical as well as sexual life.
timesofindia.indiatimes.com
1 комментарий:
All libido problems, not least because of psychological and physical problems. Facts prove 78% of young men around the world have libido problems. So you have to be careful, keep your diet from now, your lifestyle must also be in the fix mode.
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